The first story we are sharing in this series is that of the lovely Deena and AJ. Ever since I met these two, I noticed their love for each other was contagious. I grew up in a culture where queer love was seen as unacceptable, sinful, bad. So as you can imagine, getting to know this warm, gentle couple was quite baffling for my brainwashed mind.

Their weekly trips to the local coffee shop, where I worked, gave me lots of time to watch their story unfold. They would walk into the shop, often times holding hands. The tattoo wrapped around AJ’s forearm and Deena’s soft smile always caught my gaze. They would find their place at the end of the bar, close to the warmth of the espresso machine. Without fail, one of them would always order a hot tea, which was perfect for an evening of study. It was easy to anticipate their routine. But each time they walked in the shop, I was mesmerized by the freshness of their love for each other.

Fast forward to the beginning of this campaign, I knew their story must be told. Their warmth, gentleness, and love was the beginning of what softened my heart to shed the limiting beliefs I once thought were concrete. The answers to these questions are just as comforting as their love.

What about your relationship has been most comforting to you both?

The most comforting thing about our relationship is the sheer commitment we have for one another. Our relationship has brought to light how in depth our patience, understanding, and love is. We never settle and always try to be better for one another.

When did you first meet?

We were friends in middle school and started dating in high school when we were 16. Honestly, our experience coming out was pretty traumatic. Before we were sure of our own sexualities, Deena’s mom found out about us. AJ’s parents were supportive and were happy to find out Deena was my girlfriend. However, it was not the same with Deena’s parents. We were not allowed to talk and would go months at a time without seeing each other.

Walking back from these trails at Boyd Lee, I shared with Deena and AJ how life-changing it was to see these two so in love with each other at Blackbeard. I shared how it took me years of work and counseling to unlearn the negative views of homosexuality that I grew up with. It was refreshing to have a consistent and vibrant example of queer love in front of me. After sharing this, AJ’s eyes lit up:

Growing up I honestly struggled with being called a tomboy. I hated the word lesbian and was often shamed for being too “manly”.

Thankfully, my therapist helped me learn to keep recreating my own space. They taught me that something as simple as holding Deena’s hand in public wasn’t just about who would feel offended by it, but about who might need that representation.

As she was working through her own journey of unlearning internalized homophobia, she was also creating space for me to have a healthy representation of love.

Though Deena experienced countless obstacles and hardships with her mother’s acceptance of her relationship with AJ, her courage and patience to fight for her mother’s love created space for the healing of this relationship.

I was always told that people “choose” to be gay, and it was always hard for me to wrap my head around that saying. I always thought to myself that maybe being with the opposite sex would be “easier” for my family, however my love for AJ was infinite. Watching my mom hurt over the fact that I was loving someone hurt me so much. I eventually sat down with my mom and spoke with her about it. I shared with her that the love that I have for AJ is not harming myself or others around me, it is (and was) genuinely making me a better person.

If you could share a message to your younger self what would it be?

[AJ] - It’s okay to ask for help.
[Deena] - You have so much support all around you, look deeper into what you have instead of what you don’t.

The deeper I got to know these two, the more I realized how important the work of addressing our own biases is. Coming out in the midst of familial, cultural, religious, personal, and relational pressures is not easy. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes grit.

What I love about the Trevor Project is that it meets LGBTQ+ youth where they are and gives them a safe space to sort through all the unanswered questions.

I am forever grateful for the boldness and vibrancy of Deena and AJ. Their love gave me a representation of LGBTQ+ love when all I knew was non-affirming beliefs that only produced judgment and hatred. May your love continue to be a safe place in a world that doesn’t always understand the infinite goodness of your commitment to each other. And may you continue to find the boldness to share your story so people like me can be changed by your representation of love.